My 10 pet peeves
LIFE IN THE WEST
Lloyd B. Smith
Saturday, December 13, 2003



JAMAICA is in a mess. Indiscipline, corruption, mean-spiritedness and hopelessness abound everywhere. As the holiday season approaches, a feeling of nostalgia is creeping up on me and I begin to think about the good old days when life on this rock was the closest thing to paradise on earth. Nowadays, anything goes and it is against this background that I decided to zero in on some of the things in Jamaica that irk me. In other words, I have many such pet peeves but for this column I will focus on the 10 most irritating ones.

1. Dated signs

Nothing is more annoying than to be driving around and see signs on lightposts, buildings or walls about events that took place months (or even years) ago. Can't the parish councils do something about this? Shouldn't promoters be ordered to remove these eyesores? Whatever happened to the Anti-Litter Act?

2. Urinating in public

This particular activity (the call of nature) has become a national pastime. Our men especially take great pleasure in reeling out their "anacondas" and watering the sides of buildings and other places not suitable for such an exercise. The Civic Centre in Montego Bay is a stark example of this unhygienic and disgusting practice. When one stands outside that pristine building, the overwhelming stench of stale urine assaults one's nostrils. Part of the problem is that the relevant authorities have not seen it fit to provide citizens with pissoires in public places, so every nook and cranny that is available becomes a toilet. A classic example of this crass disregard for public cleanliness is the fact that the St James Parish Council has allowed vendors to occupy the Old Shoes Market without providing the facility with any toilets. Just last week, the Public Health Department declared that the threat of an epidemic there was imminent. Need I say more?

3. Tourism is everything

Downtown Montego Bay is in a dilapidated, rundown, ramshackle state. A stark contrast to the areas occupied by hotels. Clearly, only the tourists matter. If we are to clean up and beautify the place, it is because of the tourists; if crime and violence are to be curbed, it is because of the tourists, and I could go on. No wonder many Jamaicans resent tourists because they are made to feel like second-class citizens in their own country. Isn't it time we focus on Jamaicans first?

4. Horns that 'terrorise'

I fervently believe that included in the Anti-Terrorism Act should be a clause targeting those motorists who use their horns to "terrorise" other motorists. You are first in line at the stoplights and by the time green comes on, some buffoon behind you toots his horn angrily as if to say you should take off like a jet. Here in Montego Bay, it is clear that some public education programme is necessary to acquaint people with how to use stoplights. For many motorists amber means, don't stop, hurry up! The use of the horn should be explained. Space does not allow for me to list the other times when using horns is so unnecessary and annoying. Talk about road rage!

5. Those protruding hands or arms

Why is it that so many taxi drivers insist on having one hand or arm hanging outside their vehicles while they drive? It is such a dangerous practice. I gather it is a way of showing off that they are driving a "matic" (automatic car) but isn't this going too far?

6. Talk-show pests

They are on every programme, morning, noon and night. They "big up" every host in a bid to massage their egos so that they will be easily accommodated. Some make sense, others just talk downright stupidness. Then there are those PNP spin-doctors and JLP "rotweillers" whose monotonous diatribes do more harm than good to their respective parties. Worst of all, they never listen! Just talk!

7. Addresses to the nation

Every time I hear that the prime minister or some other Cabinet minister is to address the nation, I cringe. Here we go again. The talking down to us, the downright obfuscation (or is it sugar-coated lies?), the dishonest use of statistics and the pandering to the basest of instincts. Thanks to Finance and Planning Minister Dr Omar Davies and Governor of the Bank of Jamaica Derick Latibeaudiere, "growth" has become a dirty word. Luckily, most people tune out during these boring and uninspiring presentations.

8. Journalists against journalists

I know of no other profession in Jamaica that gets more battering from its own people than journalism. I won't call names but there are those self-righteous journalists who spend so much time beating up on their colleagues in the media. Yes, we should criticise each other but aren't there other avenues less divisive and denigrating? That explains why there is so little genuine fraternity. We too bitchy and badmind!

9. Apologists in the private sector

There was a time when the private sector drove fear in the government of the day and kept it on its toes. Today, one gets the distinct impression that because so many in that group are beneficiaries of government's fiscal policies, they have become self-serving apologists.

10. Talk-bad athletes and artistes

UWI's Carolyn Cooper will take me to task on this one but I get into a tizzy when I hear some of our athletes and artistes being interviewed and the massacre they effect on the English Language (and even our dialect too). The most dreadful ones are those who attempt to speak with an accent. But then again, they are not the only ones. So many of our public officials and bigwigs "massacraw" the language. Perhaps we should seriously make Jamaican English (whatever that is) the official tongue. After all, we are in a "state of chronic"!

Next week, I shall name 10 of the things I like best in Jamaica so eat your hearts out, purveyors of positivism. Just be reminded that Murphy of Murphy's Law fame was an optimist. And in the final analysis, a pessimist and an optimist are always right. What are your pet peeves? Share them with me and maybe we could form a Pet Peeves Club

www.jamaicaobserver.com/c...PEEVES.asp