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Re: The Day After
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ann jones
Re: This is funny
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Nov 28 03 7:59 AM
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Good for the Goose
published: Friday | November 28, 2003
Tony Hendriks - JAMAICAN PALEFACE
FOR YEARS the USA, UK, World Bank and IMF have bullied Jamaica. Told us what and what not to do because they pay the piper, so they call the tune. But the lyrics seem to be: "Do what we say, not what we do"? According to Forbes magazine and the Guardian the fastest growing, biggest booming, agricultural product in North America is marijuana. Come on Jamaica, wake up and smell the Collie! Not the dog, the weed of wisdom, green gold, the cash crop that could be Jamaica's saviour. No, I'm not smoking a spliff!
Since the 1970's the DEA has demanded the JDF chop and burn our local ganja fields, of which most do little more than satisfy local consumption, pay a few school fees and keep otherwise idle hands out of trouble. Yet all the while America has been growing the stuff in their own backyard, producing more in a day than we do in a year. Britain has bided her time developing the active ingredients of THC for pharmaceutical use and financial gain while our local research and development of glaucoma medicine has been held down.
Canada has simply waited for the right moment to decriminalise and legalise it while growing plants from seeds they probably got from us. Underhanded, first world bullies and bloody, rotten, cheats! It's time we fought back.
Sure, I know Jamaica hasn't exactly been lying down when it comes to drug trafficking, but this is war! We need to start producing more and stronger, high-grade, psychedelic-trip-inducing chronic, in huge quantities and market it well. I'm not suggesting we export it. That would only create more conflict. We should simply grow it for personal use. By that I mean tourism.
ALL-INCLUSIVE PACKAGES
It should be part of All-Inclusive packages at hotels like Spliff On The Cliff and Chillum With My Homies. We should sell Ganja Getaways, Herbolidays, and Viagra Vacations. (I know we don't produce Viagra but the Jamaican version; White Rum and Ganja is just as good). We should encourage visitors to relax with Ganjaroma Therapy; "Forget your troubles, and anything else in your short term memory". Everyone loves diets, why not do the Herbal Life Diet. A Jamaican version where you smoke a lot of herb and eat out of your life. You won't lose any weight, but you won't give a damn!
We need to keep up with the technology though. Canadian herb is Genetically Modified. Big like Christmas trees. In England people use hydroponics, green houses, huge lights and massive irrigation. They call it Skunk and it's fifty times more potent than anything I ever smoked. Which is hard to imagine as I've burned herb so strong it made me stand butt naked, with my mouth open like a moron, in the middle of a busy street. All I could see were colours as cars whizzed by. I don't smoke anymore. I gave it up when I became a TV anchor; anchored to the sofa in front of the TV.
Ganja is respectable these days. Policemen, judges, politicians, doctors, lawyers, royalty, priests and congregations use it. We've just been led to believe it's wrong by the people who are about to make big money from it.
Hello, if John F. Kennedy's dad paid for his son to become president with money earned from bootlegging alcohol, why can't Jamaica become a better place with money earned from ganja? Damn it to hell, we should open casinos, create safe red light districts, sell Blue Mountain Ganja and educate our children on the proceeds. Then they can choose what's right and wrong.
Wisdom comes from the strangest places sometimes. A New Kingston crack dealer once tried to sell me a rock. "No!" I said, "I don't do drugs" "Me neither." He replied, unfazed, "Me don't do drugs, me just sell them!"
I'm not saying anyone in Jamaica should smoke ganja. On the contrary. But why not stoke the coffers of our ailing country? We cut cane, distil it into alcohol, sell it to make money and rot people's livers and kidneys. Ganja is different? Sure, marijuana is responsible for mental instability and chemical imbalances in some people and a total lack of ambition in others but so is marriage and that's legal. Over the years ganja has helped create wonderful music, lyrical poetry, stunning art, and alongside Bob Marley and Rastafari it has contributed to putting Jamaica on the map.
It's time we got off our overly conservative and blinkered high horse and realised that if we don't use ganja to our benefit, the people who tell us not to grow and sell it will beat us to it. Beat us with our own bush. Well, what's good for the goose is good for the ganja! Forget bout sugar, ganja sweeter. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!
Tony Hendriks is a comedian. He can be e-mailed at palefaceuk@aol.com
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